I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this just has baby written all over it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
