As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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