i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
