honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
