Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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