sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
