If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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