Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
