Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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