so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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