Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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