I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
