He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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