i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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