I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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