I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize