I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
