the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
