two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
