Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
