I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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