I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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