Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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