So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My hand turned me down
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize