dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
