Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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