I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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