I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
