I looked at my own cervix.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
