did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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