Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
