You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
