I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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