best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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