Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Mom said you looked used
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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