As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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