She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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