just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
