JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
