Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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