i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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