I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
