So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
