Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
