im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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