I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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