I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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