OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
