I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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