Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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