I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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