i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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