Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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