She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
