i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
