I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
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