I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
